this is me.

Driving back to Dubuque yesterday morning something interesting happened. I think God answered a prayer as I was praying.

Not that I am some super spiritual person. I’m a bit crap at prayer – I forget, I am not focused, or to be honest I just don’t care sometimes. But on this brisk, snowy January morning I found myself praying as I was cruising down the road at a steady 40-mph to avoid going in the ditch.

My prayer was going as followed…

“God thank you for your faithfulness, thank you that you have provided for me so much as I transition to San Diego. I just ask that you would give me wisdom and guide me as I step into this new life, new job and new relationships.”

(I continued.)

“God you are so good to me even though I am not good at following you…give me the….”

As I said this I quieted and paused my spirit-filled words and turned down Sufjan Stevens playing through my car’s stereo.

“Oh shit…”

(I missed the day in church when they said that you shouldn’t swear in your prayers)

In this seemingly dieing spiritual moment between God, and myself I began to feel a violent shaking in my poor Jetta.

My prayer shifted in focus.

“God I just ask that you would fix whatever is wrong. You gave man the ability to make a car, I pray that you fix my Jetta.”

Then this question popped into my head – “Can God even fix my car, it’s German…I mean it’s a Volkswagen?”

Then I wrapped up this prayer, “God, help me to make it back to Dubuque so I an get it looked at.”

God did answer my prayer; I arrived in Dubuque safely to pull into the auto mechanics parking lot and Five hours, 2 new tires, 2 new tie-rods, an oil change, an alignment and $650 dollars later I drove my repaired Jetta home.

I don’t understand God sometimes; I mean he blesses me with this money, or at least with the ability to earn the money. He knows that I need that money to get out to California and to pay rent for my new apartment.

Then in one violent, vibrating moment, he takes it away.

God does things like this – all the time in fact. And not just to me, I mean read the book of Jonah. Jonah, after preaching to the heathen Ninevites, goes away from the pagan-city in witch he just condemned, rests under a large vine.

Jonah is pist about God not keeping up His end of the deal. Jonah preaches wrath, God wipes out the city with fiery boulders from heaven.

In the morning, after he wakes up, the vine is gone -- probably just a partially worm eaten stump, most likely not even enough to lean against.

This is what God says after Jonah justifiably gets frustrated:

Jonah 4:9
But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
“I do," Jonah said. "I am angry enough to die."

Even though I am not sure what “angry enough to die” looks like, I an on some level, relate with the Prophet. The Lord continues…

"You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

This is where I would say, “Yeah, but…”.

Lately I have been trying to ask the question God does things like this, is “God, what are you teaching me in this.”

I guess one of the most frustrating things about learning to Follow God, is that God teaches his disciples in narrative.

Either through a parable or a situation, or object – it is clear that God doesn’t use the ‘lecture’ method to prove his point.

I mean He knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows that we forget lectures, we forget ‘bullet points’. We need stories.

In those “Oh shit…” moments, I am learning to pay attention. It’s almost as if the “Oh shit…” moments are equally as spiritual as the times of worship or desperate prayer. And it is in these moments where God is teaching us the most – that God wants to prove his faithfulness and sovereignty so much to us he puts us in these seemingly hopeless situations, where all is lost, where the vine is gone, where the bank account is depleted.

Last night my dad called me as I was heading out to go into the office to make up for the time I missed yesterday. He told me that he was going to replace all the money that I spent on my car, and then some. He told me that he supports me moving to California and that he is proud of me.

I sat in my Jetta, turned the ignition, leaned back in my seat and thanked God for the amazing life I have, and how good he is.