Saturday, December 29, 2007

While wasting time on YouTube (my favorite thing to do), I came across this video that mocks and spoofs Rob Bell's Nooma Video "Bullhorn". As many of you know I am a Rob Bell fan, so I new I had to respond.

Here is the video that he made.



And here is my video response.

Thursday, December 27, 2007



The last month of school was always the toughest -- days seem to drag on and on. Like the sands of time seemed to turn into thick molasses seeping through an hourglass one slow drip at a time.

Sitting eight hours in an unair-conditioned room, listening to a teacher talk about fun of long division and being forced to sit next to the sweaty fat kid who, moments previous played dodge ball and ate a bag of Doritos.

Waiting sucks.

I recently went to the dentist where I had two minor cavities filled. Waiting rooms (we can all agree) suck. They’re all the same; soft, poppy music playing overhead. The stiffly padded maroon furniture with old cheerio’s stiffed in the cracks and four year old copies of Time and People magazine on a table with a gaudy pink lamp and a box of tissue.

I feel as though my life, for the next month will be day after day of the soothing sounds of Kenny G, Highlight’s Magazine and a little boy named Christopher that runs around spitting up cheerios and crying at an ear damaging decibel. For the next month, I am going through the motions. I am putting in my time. And I am growing ever more restless in this stationary, idol state.

My only relief is the short amount of time that I spend with friends and family, zoning out while watching Heroes and 24, and oh yes, how could I forget sleep.

Sleep can either be fantastic or ruthless because when your brain finally does shut off, time just leaves. One moment it’s 8pm, the next moment it’s 8 am. Twelve hours goes by seemingly in a matter of deep, rest saturated moments. For the death row inmate who has his execution at 8am, this could work against you. But for the 10 year old who anxiously awaits the brand new, 12 speed with the dual shocks on both wheels, sleep and the absence of time could be a beautiful thing.

On the 28th of January I will be packing as much of what I own into my lovely silver Jetta, driving 28 hours west and arriving in San Diego, California to start a new job and a new life.

Excitement can’t begin to describe the feeling. The only feeling that comes close is the feeling you have while you are standing inline for the world’s fastest rollercoaster, your stomach feels like you’ve just ingested a small tire, and you sweat in places you never knew you could.

But once you step onto the ride, sling the harness over your chest and pull the bar down to your lap, you know that this is going to be the ride of your life. And all the waiting, was totally worth it.

Monday, December 24, 2007

MERRY CHRISTMAS!


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Well done Topper old man!

My second family for the past 4 months. (I'm in the orange)

my new home...

more coming soon.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Satan is a bastard sometimes.

I haven't had as much guilt, frustration, depression and financial difficulty as I have in the past two weeks. I feel like I'm being attacked fro every angle.

I'm not one to blame things on Satan, but seriously it all seems to be directed at keeping me from moving to California.

Last night I was actually considering not going.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Kenneth Baker by Thomas Pringle

Creativity in it's purest form.

Creativity Explored is a non-profit visual arts center for people with disabilities.



"The art is apart of me, it brings up a whole identity of myself, I'm not looking for a pat on the back or anything, I just love art."

--Vincent, Member Artist of Creativity Explored in San Fransisco

Saturday, December 15, 2007

A change is coming (or pass the Tylenol)

I have been feeling melancholy the past few days. Close friends can tell that my soul is weighing heavy. I have so much on my mind. I save-face by claiming that I'm tired or it's a simple headache, however I feel as though that it is so much more than something a couple Tylenol can cure.

In this in-between stage of my life, I feel as though I am grieving for the life that I am leaving behind and anxious for the new path I have decided to take. So much is going to change, so much is going to be different, and I can't help but feel as though my life will be so much more fulfilling and fruitful.

I had a conversation with my new doctor friend Adam a few nights ago that has been weighing on my mind. I met Adam through the current theatrical production I am involved with. He is a charismatic, very outgoing, positive and loving person. He deeply cares about people, and is the type of person that everyone wants to be around. I feel as though sometimes Adam knows more about me than perhaps myself. That he can see through the aloof, guarded exterior that I tend to hide behind.

Isn't it amazing how a couple of insightful observations from a good friend can totally rock your world, can shift your paradigms and leave you contemplative for days, weeks, months.

"I would love to see you in five-years Patrick," Adam said with a slight grin as he sipped his Killians long-neck. "What do you mean?" I said as I stared into my overly sweet Margarita.

"I see you desperately trying to break out of this mold, this cocoon of fear if you will," Adam responded in his overly enthusiastic way. "Once you break out of it, your whole life will change, your body, your thinking, your attitude, I can't wait to see you in five years."

I guess it is true that I have let fear shape pretty much every area of my life. Most of my life I have made decisions based upon desperately needing acceptance from those around me. I am terrified of showing emotion, my true colors and what is really going inside of my head.

Adam has been one of my biggest encouragers the past few months as I have had to make some life altering decisions. He helped me to figure out that I shouldn't settle for a job that doesn't pay what I don't deserve. That I deserve better than the narrow-mindedness in which I come across at work. I can have the life that I truly desire and not settle for a life that is safe, but sacrificing my true happiness, calling and passions.

"Patrick just love yourself, trust your self, do what makes you happy." Adam always says when I want to complain and bitch about life, work and whatever.

I am starting to figure out that culture doesn't do a very good job at teaching us how to "love ourselves". We go to schools where science and math are placed in the top priority over art and music. We are surrounded by an athletic worshiping high-school where the painters and actors are sitting in the back row secretly envious of the football players and the attention they receive. We work at jobs where efficiency and the "job description" trump people's talents, passions and strengths. We live lives in shadow of the person that makes more money, which has more friends, that has a better car, has a better life.

We don't know how to love ourselves. We don't know how to be happy. We don't know what that looks like.

The church hasn't helped in this arena either. We create these subcultures and tell people that they are inherently bad, that they have nothing to offer that is valuable unless you do it with the Christian label attached to it.

It's not good music unless it's from a Christian label and sold at an over priced Christian bookstore. We tell people that their lives should be joyous and filled with smiles and that Jesus will solve all their problems and that all we need is religion. We tell people to be authentic, but then we shun them, fire them and push them out of our cliques when they open up about what is going on in their lives. We talk about hell like it's some sort of vengeance for Christians. That God is some sick tyrant who just loves to send people to a fiery pit for all eternity.

For so much of my life I have bought into and subscribed to so much of what the church puts into our heads. Honestly I am tired of all the games, lies and teachings that don't reflect the Jesus I attempt to follow.

For the past few years I have used my blogs as an avenue for me to bitch and complain about what the church is doing (and not doing) and I can honestly say for the first time in my 10 years as being a Christ Follower; I am finally ready to make a step in direction of making a difference in the world around me. I am tired of living in the fear that I have clothed myself in for so long. I am tired of living my life in the shadow of people that I am not, nor never will be. I am tired of living a life where my passion is never seen but just heard and read. I am tired of living a life that doesn't mean anything.

A change is coming, I'll keep you posted.